Sunset

Step after step. Trudging on the streets. On the way back home. A home that has remained empty after me. A home that reeks of loneliness. I dream of the days sunlight filtered through the curtains. As the evening descends around me, gradually shifting to the dark night.

I revel in the beauty of the setting sun, feeling the raging heat slowly dissipate. The chilly breeze makes goosebumps dance on my skin.

And the noises surrounding me die down.

The incessant cacophony of noises, birds and people alike slow down to a thrum of inconsistent melodies. The reds and yellows shift to blues, slowly giving way to murky black.

Somehow I wish to reverse back moments and get stuck in the pretty colors. Wishing to go back to the pretty hues.

The beautiful and receding colors take me back. Back to the days of you and me. And yellow memories seep in, making my heart black and blue just like the skies.

Just like that I'm walking beside you, hand in hand.

A September evening revolves around me, as if I'm transported back in time.

Surprisingly, I feel your familiar warmth walking beside me. The sun feels shining at my side, warming my insides. I feel the lightness in my being. The bounce of my steps. The smile dancing on my lips. And my cheeks carry the pink and oranges of the sunset.

It feels like my sunset paused at the most beautiful moment.

It felt like we have always been leading up to that very moment.

Content, not wishing for more than each other's presence.

And then my sunset slipped away, fading from my clutches. The night came and stayed eternally. Now, the sun comes and the sun goes but the sunset never pauses for me.

Sunrays bouncing off your eyes. Your hands engulfing mine. And we walking hand in hand, glued to each other. I am still stuck in our most beautiful sunset. A sunset that lasted a meagre moment, yet stays in me like permanent ink. I'm hungry for warmth, and your presence beside me.

So, I trudge every day, roaming the very streets where you held me. I walk to the very spot where you promised us eternity. I feel the chill settling on my skin every day. A bit less warmer than the day before. My insides don't remember warmth anymore.

Foolishly I walk everyday, in search of my sunset.

The one where you stay.

The one that heated me up.

The one that led to starry nights.

One that was spent by your side.

The evenings are not melodious these days. Everything within me has quietened down. Throwing me further into a pit of muddy blacks. I don't listen to anything within me.

Every sunset I silence myself a bit more to listen for you.

The cacophony around me stills at my desperation.

Yet you remain absent.

Your lingering scent in me is like a diminishing sunray now. Your memory like a sunset hidden by clouds. Your presence is like heavy rains in drought. And I am still deserted in a cloud filled sky, waiting for rains and sunlight.

A mere illusion moving forward. A being of my own past, unable to comprehend the present. Not moving with the sun and moon. My time is frozen in red and blues.

A time when evenings were jolly. Sunsets were picturesque sceneries. Dusk was not lonely. An innate desire to capture the glowing embers danced in me. I am frozen in that lost desire. A desire that walked away with my lover. Unable to mourn. Not willing to forget. I'm stuck in my acceptance of pain.

With you dancing in me like black and white memories. I am the color of graying skies each evening. As the sunsets turn grayer everyday. And the colors become less enchanting to my eyes. The sunlight seems like a lost lover now.

I scream and shout for my sunsets to move on. Somedays I silently pray for it to stay stuck.

I want my sunsets to be a mere onslaught of night. I want, a time of day that felt as the most beautiful moment. A time of day that is the perfect depiction of the nature's beauty. An amalgamation of warm and cold.

I wish for my sunsets to smile and shine once again.

Something electrifying and joyous.

I want my sunsets to dance with me once again.

Yet my sunsets stay as mere ice.

Something more sinister. A wee bit darker than before everyday. More muddier, more painful. The dancing colors of reds and blues do not mix into purples anymore. My skies have turned murky sans you. Sunsets are an onslaught of chilly obsidian nights now. Lonelier and tiring.

Evenings to me are just a mere memory of lost connections. The lacking warmth in my fingers. The lack of a nervous heartbeat. No butterflies fluttering inside me.

I am the eternal night now.

And the sun seems like the lover that left me behind.

The very moment we walk in other directions everyday.

The sunset is our breakup.